Oh dear. My painting won´t behave. I have such a clear idea in my mind about how I want it to look, that I´m just not happy for it to come out any differently.
Without giving the game away, and telling you the subject of my new work, I can say that it is no more technically challenging than any other work. Indeed, because my only reference is my mind, it could actually look like anything, and who would know? And this is the really silly thing about it; only I know how I want it to be, so what´s the problem?
The problem is that I´m being stubborn. I want this painting to look exactly as the picture I have in my head. It makes no difference to me if nobody else would know if it wasn´t the same: I would know, and that is just not how I want this painting to turn out.
I suppose I should really be a little more practical here, and I am trying to build up stock. It´s just that I don´t want to paint without feeling that my painting is expressing something I want to say. I don´t want to put up with a painting which isn´t really what I had in mind. I want my painting to behave.
So this current work is taking twice the time, just because I am being very picky about this point. I know it´s pointless on one level, because anyone looking at it would not know what I had in mind. But for me this is a very important point. A new work has to please me first, before it is shown to anyone else. If I don´t like it, even if others may enjoy it, I´m not happy. It doesn´t satisfy me as an artist.
I actually have got quite cross with this one, and it´s been an effort to stay on track with it. I worked on it for a few hours yesterday, and I will again this afternoon. I´m hoping to really get it finished this time, a hope I have expressed every day for the past four days. I could walk away from it, but that sounds like defeat, and I don´t want that either.
So, Ms Painting, whether you like it or not, you are going to end up just as I had in my mind. You will not irritate me to the point that I walk away. You will not make me paint over you. I´m coming back at you this afternoon, and I´ll keep on changing you untill I´m happy…
Have a good saturday everyone,