Wow, where did my holiday go? One minute I was merrily saying Feliz Navidad to everyone, the next minute I find myself here, writing my first post of 2013. Part of me feels as if I should make this a truly memorable post, full of lessons learned from last year; hopes and plans for the year to come; a post packed with humour, thoughtfulness and meaning. But the other, more realistic side of me takes a sigh, and says: “Why set the bar so high? it will only end in tears.” So as usual, that part of me wins and here we are again, me writing, you reading, and standards pretty much the same as last year.
I did have a lovely 25th of December and a fun party on 31st, and with the spanish Kings Day still to come, I have no complaints. I was with my daughters and son-in-law; ate so much that I amazed even myself, and generally enjoyed the fun and the company. I hope you too also had a holiday which bought you joy. I did once or twice cast what is left of my mind in the direction of my easel, but I decided I wanted to spend the time with my daughters, and I´m glad I did. Work and distance gives us so little time together, and each year the time seems to go by faster. Each year I become ever more keen on enjoying the moment, making the most of what presents itself and living each day aware that it really could be my last; I don´t want to miss any of it. And the strangest thing is, the more I live like this , the better my life actually becomes. It´s similar to those train station farewells that suddenly become more intense and meaningful as the train rolls into sight. Maybe that´s one of the reasons why we are designed not to live forever. Life only becomes sweet at the point when you know that there may not be much of it left.
Not that I am planning on leaving it anytime soon, but I am old enough now to have witnessed the sudden deaths of too many friends not to have grown much more aware of my own mortality. So, even though 2013 is just a time marked on a calendar, it is really difficult not to take stock to some degree. Another year has been crossed off my allotted amount of years, and part of me does mourn that. As I get older life gets better, but shorter too. A bitter-sweet experience that sometimes has me wishing I could start it all again, for no other reason than to have a little more time. Not that I won´t be wasting time again this year, it´s just that I have just renamed it “enjoying life” Once, moments spent sitting on a bench in the forest, enjoying the view would have been A Waste Of Time. I would have worried about all the other things that I could have been doing. Now I feel very differently about this. Life is enjoying the view. For sure, I can hardly claim to be the first person to know this, but it is one of those things you have to come to know for yourself. No amount of lovely poems or reposted quotes can get there for you: You have to come to this knowledge in your own way and in your own time. And now,at last, I understand it.
Today, as I return to work , I feel a renewed energy after the break, and I can´t wait to start my first painting of this year. I have got back into my online work, and all that is left is that I decide what to paint. I´ve still got my one large canvas left which I have been hanging on to. I seems fitting to start anew with something big and bold and joyful.
I hope 2013 brings you all joy and peace. And more than this, I hope it also brings you all the chance to just sit and enjoy the view once in a while……
Enjoy your day everyone,