Wednesday has arrived, and my enthusiasm that I have felt this week is still with me. No matter that the temperature has really dropped now, and I was actually cold even inside my house yesterday, my mood is relaxed and positive. I have made a start on my new art work – and as I suspected, it is an abstract. I´m painting it on a large canvas, which when turned long-ways up, is as big as my easel can comfortably handle without me having to paint the lower parts of it whilst on my knees. I´m painting an image which has repeated itself to me over and over again in dreams over the past few nights, strangely though it has no dark part to it. I knew I would not be able to rest until I´d painted it. It actually feels that once I have painted it, I will understand it more or at the very least move on.
This is the first time I have felt so driven to paint a particular piece, and for it to have come from a dream is even more unusual for me. This is definitely a new experience, and I want to paint the images I can remember when I wake up. Working on this painting has felt a little like painting a portrait. I know exactly what it should look like, so there has been a little moving of colours and positions until it feels as if it look the same as the image in my mind. What a strange concept; it will be an abstract art in the world, and a representational painting to me. I am so enjoying this new experience, and pleased that I followed my instinct to paint it.
I had worried that having just painted an abstract I should do something in a different style. Maybe that is why I am feeling so enthusiastic this week? I have made a very conscious decision to paint what I want to paint, and ignore all the little voices in my mind that whisper you should do this; you shouldn´t do that. It´s quite a liberating feeling. For me , I think it follows on from a general feeling I have as I get older. I´m much more inclined to do my own thing now, and take the view that if it harms nobody else, how I live my life is completely up to me. I certainly don´t feel either the internal nor the social constraints that I felt when I was young.
I have almost reached, but not quite, a point now where I can sense that I am more or less free to do whatever I want. My children are grown; if I wanted to move to South America I could – I do actually like the idea; if I want to stay in bed I will and if I want to paint my dream I´ll do that too. I realize now that all these options were always open to me; it just seemed to take a long time for that understanding to arrive.
So here I am, with my painting more than half way through. I want to try to get it finished today so that I can show it to you all tomorrow. This is my day for my quilting group too, so I will spend a few hours sewing with my friends. Apart from that I am wanting to paint as much as I can today.
Must also remember a few practical things too; if I forget to put the gas bottles out again, I will be cold again today. Must also phone the wood man for a nice supply of firewood. Absolutely nothing like a log fire to help me forget that the temperature seems to be dropping by the hour now. Hopefully I will be warm and cosy in time to watch the first snowfalls which are due this weekend.
Have a good day everyone,